It's about my best friend recently having a boyfriend. I'm actually happy for her too, but before that, almost everything was different. At the beginning of our friendship I almost had butterflies in my stomach just because I knew that I would see them again soon. It was such a nice feeling and she gave me so much love that I needed so badly. Short note: I'm relatively sure that I'm straight, but this friendship means so much to me. She just made me happy. Now come the stupid side effects, namely jealousy. I got so jealous when she did something to other girls or wrote to them from the bottom of her heart and stuff. But I never really let that hang out with her but always thought inside myself and cried because it was almost unbearable.
In any case, a lot has changed since she had her boyfriend. I only get a little love and a "love you" became a "love you", if at all. Even so, I have the feeling that she only wants to see me if her boyfriend has canceled for a short time or can't meet with her. When she is with me we hardly spend any time alone because she would rather meet up with friends from around me and drink alcohol. She often went out alone to get drunk when she wanted to stay with me and then came back to me in the middle of the night while I was sitting alone at home or I was spontaneously visiting friends. But she only came back to sleep, which she did until the afternoon and then it only took about half an hour until she was picked up again. If we then really exchange words, then it's really all about her boyfriend and how much she misses him. She also has to talk to him on the phone all the time when she is with me and then I just sit on my bed and wait until she is finished. We used to cook together, then watch Netflix and cuddle. We went for a walk, did nonsense and laughed at God and the world. Today we / they are only on the move and hardly interact with each other except after drinking alcohol. Then there's the situation from the first question.
I don't know what to do because I know that I can't get away from her and I need her, but that is now so complicated.
Thanks to everyone who read the question through to the end
Why are you so emotionally dependent on her?
I wouldn't follow her anymore. If she gets back to you drunk, but you're out with friends, make it clear to her that she has to find another place to sleep.
Do not make yourself a gap filler, you too have the right to evenings and weekends without them.
Have you ever thought that you don't know anything about your feelings? Would she treat you differently if she knew?
Don't make yourself dependent on her, even if it hurts, or you will suffer more and more.
Have you ever talked extensively? One is, when you have a partner, you neglect your friends. She probably doesn't notice it either and thinks everything is still normal.
I would talk to her about it. Tell her what you've noticed since she had a boyfriend. But also tell her that you definitely don't want her to break up. And you also have to mention how YOU feel about it! This is very important.
Try to find a solution together. I also have a boyfriend, and it is with me that I always stay with him on weekends. But if a friend wants to do something with me on Saturday, I make sure that I come to my boyfriend during the week. Then somehow to see him once a week.
But you also have to say that my relationship is not fresh. It has existed for 3.5 years.
But one thing is, you also have to try to understand that it is something new for her. It's about the same when you get a new cell phone. Or make up. You want to try out new things right away. And deal with it. For her, her boyfriend is more interesting at the moment. But that doesn't have to mean that she appreciates you less.
You may think that you would never do this, but this is completely normal behavior. Your girlfriend needs time first. To learn how to manage her time now. Unfortunately you have to be patient. It's not easy, but everyone deserves a certain amount of freedom. Don't you think
So please talk to each other. Take your time for that too. Because there's not much to be said about being silent here.
And for you, please be patient. Find something to do for yourself too. Take care of yourself and yourself. Because no one is yours. And you don't belong to anyone either.
