I would be very happy if a few people could take the time to read through my question.
Info in advance:
I'm just 17 years old, I'll be 18 in 3 months, and I'm male. I'm currently attending a high school.
Situation:
When I look back on 2020, it actually got off to a good start (until summer). The grades were very good and I finished the introductory phase of the 10th grade with a 2.4 grade (okay, but there's room for improvement). I also started fitness and reduced my weight (was overweight). In any case, I had a plan for the future and good prospects. I had a structure in everyday life and also a constant motivation. My diet was going well. Since the beginning of Corona everything has already started to subside. I let myself go more and more. But I got through until summer 2020. Finally vacation and then Q1 begins (11th grade). The grades are counted for the Abi. So I knew my endeavors had to be continued this year. When I started school after the holidays, I lost the structure in my everyday life. All my motivation is gone. I dragged myself into the hours and consumed entertainment the rest of the day. My diet got worse and worse, so I put on weight again and ended up with the same weight as when I started. I also left my fitness "for school". However, it was bad. The first exam phase began after the autumn break. My sleep schedule has deteriorated so badly. There were days when night was day and day was night. My whole life was upside down. I also developed fears about the future and, in addition, fears about exams. I was hoping that there would be a lockdown and that the schools would close. But that was not the case. I started getting more and more certificates. I must have been absent for over 1.5 months and everything was excused by certificates. Thus I avoided exams and rewriting appointments. I didn't want to admit it. Everything seemed so surreal to me. I wrote bad grades after others. I'm probably expecting a 3, if not worse. In addition, a specialist work is now pending… I can't have it. I wish so much that I can turn back time. In each compartment I'm sooo far back with the material. I'm in a Spanish course, although I'm behind with the whole material and therefore can't participate. It's bitter and desperate. I distract myself with YouTube, Netflix, Twitch, Instagram, Twitter, PlayStation and PC. Because if I'm not distracted I get sad. I question everything and can no longer look in the mirror. So much has happened that couldn't have been worse. I feel dirty and gross. Disgusted with myself.
I'm thinking of doing the second half of the year somehow and simply repeating the whole Q1
! Continue in answers!
In addition, a question in case someone has read through all of this. Should I repeat Q1. Do I have to do the 2nd half of Q1 first and then repeat the whole year or can I already go into the 2nd half of the EF? Or should I have a look first and get the grades?
Okay, I read through your question and realized that you play a lot, etc. From my point of view, that's too much!
I think you should go out more and force yourself to exercise, eat salad and eat reasonably healthy. Find a hobby that isn't related to a screen.
It will get better, all the best
First bring structure back into the whole. Fixed times for eating and sleeping. In bed and at the table there's no device that is smarter than an alarm clock.
Try to find a way to structure the learning. Yes, it would make sense to keep working. The decision to repeat can be made later. But it doesn't sound like inaction is good for you. Especially since you can now pre-study for the next year instead of being completely out of the subject in half a year.
Regardless, do something. With your hands what has a result. What does not matter. It's all about not only consuming content but also creating something. Are kind of creative. Just sitting and letting content run through your head is not good for the mind.
Your description can be an indicator of depression. How are you?
I know your problem only too well: I'm often totally motivated at the beginning of the school year and after a short while I don't feel like it anymore.
If it is important to you that your Abi is more or less good, I would recommend that you repeat Q1 again. I would recommend you to go to tutoring once or twice a week, you might get it from a friend. It would also be good if you studied with someone else. For me, I learn well when I study with a high-performing student (who isn't my best friend either, so we don't get distracted by doing something different). You should then ask each other. I always feel under pressure to learn quickly and well, and that's what I do.
You can't go to the gym right now, but I wouldn't plan on doing home workouts (you can always start doing that later) because you shouldn't do too much at first. You could just walk for half an hour every day, preferably not alone.
As for nutrition, don't you eat meals with your family? Or. Do you even still live at home?
I've read everything about you, I would definitely go to a school psychologist if I were you. I consider your problem to be typical and very common, especially for high school students, because they create almost no tangible works during puberty, the difficult phase of becoming yourself, of growing up.
I don't know whether my path back then will help you in any way: in 1979 I was in 11th grade Bavarian. High school, knew little about the MINT subjects, very well informed about all the others. My ABI would be bad, everyone said. I had friends in recreational sports, but not a girlfriend because (?) I was the introverted thinker who played the piano to live out negative emotions as melancholy. I tearfully dreamed of the "world that was only against me."
My math teacher and the school psychologist advised me to quit and start an apprenticeship, something manual, for works that are tangible with the hands. My parents were desperate because I wouldn't let them tell me. They had enough problems of their own because I had a younger sister who had just passed away, so I became an only child.
Then I saw Fellini's film AMARCORD on TV. It hit me in the heart - also with the music of Nino Rota. I dreamed of the scenes as if it were my life, my crazy yet normal family. I was lucky because his film ORCHESTRA Rehearsal was shown in a cinema in my city. Of course I looked at it. I bought the script from Diogenes Verlag. As a musician-to-be, I understood his metaphor as my own life: Everything around me collapsed, only the musicians continued to play as long as I conduct… I have to conduct! It was a masculine thought of someone else's leader that scared me because I was an adapting team person, I thought. Then I knew that I wanted to make films like that, right away and nothing else.
My father took me to career counseling. Together we decided a very hard way for me, they said, but it wasn't hard at all because I was finally able to do what I was completely capable of!
I became a "state-certified sound technician" in distance learning, repeated the 11th grade with better grades, had successful math and physics tutoring, no longer fled to leisure time fun and sports, then wrote the best technical paper of my year in Bavaria, in exceptional cases twice that Number of pages in two subjects German / Latin about Petrons Satyricon - of course as an expression of Fellini's film of the same name. I wrote my first script for a film that was as cheap as possible: A 45-minute music film for dancers about my own music. I later realized that my sister was in the lead…
As a high school student, I founded my first commercial company with my parents' guarantee: a music and film company together with a high school student from another school who was known for exhibitions for best photos and worked in a hobby filmmaker's association. We shot the film with three profit-sharing professionals and about 30 lay people whom ICH had to direct; we sold it to ORF with great difficulty and luck. So we could pay for everything, but I had nothing left. I studied philosophy, musicology (in my private life, composition and conducting), German and art history. My co-partner - we then founded a GmbH with credit from our parents - studied cameraman and later medicine. For our next film, we were more producers of other people's ideas. We were also able to produce it cheaply and even sell it again - to ZDF. A big success! The success grew and grew, so that I had to break off my master's thesis, the company had become too demanding. - After exactly ten years and many different films, we sold the GmbH to a large film production company. They wanted our specialized know-how. I bought my first apartment with my share, remained a producer, but began my second professional training. One was too boring for me… Just like "my" women.
That was only a small extract from my almost 60-year-old life. So detailed, because the truth ALWAYS lies in the details!
Find your talents and plan the smallest steps for your future, steps that you can master successfully! Believe in yourself and measure yourself against your own competition, then you know we
I'm not sure if I can call it depression. I think this term is often confused with phases that you have nowadays. I mean I already have problems with myself and I'm not happy right now. There's already a kind of sadness in me. But a disappointing kind, a hopeless one combined with fear. This fast racing heart and the churning of thoughts when I think too much about everything…
For me, depression doesn't mean crying all the time or anything. For me, depression means making no sense. In nothing. Always assume the worst. And to see the world somehow gray.
The racing heart is probably a fear in the face of the situation. That is normal. It probably happens to anyone faced with a task that is terrifying. I still had it the day before yesterday, and I'm an adult and at work 😁
Just in case, first aid measures for depression (and yes, I know myself, this is not as easy as I'm writing this now). Get a grip on your sleep rhythm. Eating healthy. Exercise, if possible outside, if you can do so safely. Virus and so. Going for a walk counts. Do something good for yourself every day, that can be a small thing. Looking for contact with people, phone and chat also count, it's all about not being alone. Don't be afraid to call the various auxiliary telephone numbers. If necessary, please speak to a professional.
You notice that there's a lot of overlap with what you could do to get more structure and stability into everyday life. That's because it's a very similar task. In both cases it is about psychological stability and inner balance. Start with small things. This also applies to school, take individual subjects and topic blocks. That makes the whole thing easier to handle. Maybe ask your parents for tutoring because you've been sick so much.
