At the moment I feel very bad mentally. I've never felt this bad.
Since last week I have been on sick leave for (initially) 3 weeks because I'm so motivated that it is impossible to attend classes. My psychologist diagnosed me with a depressive disorder & an anxiety disorder.
It's really bad right now. I'm no longer happy and I no longer enjoy anything. All my hobbies are currently falling by the wayside because I have no strength and everything is too exhausting for me. I usually love to read and I'm always working on my stories. I edit pictures / do edits, write playlists and other things. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and muck out my room, sort my bookshelf, watch a lot on YouTube and Netflix, write role-play games and actually like to be around friends, even if only online.
For weeks now it has looked like I don't do anything other than listening to music and lying on the couch or in bed. I ignore messages from friends, teachers and other people, and if so write back only briefly, I haven't touched books for what feels like a long time, although I've only just ordered new ones. I hardly ever look at my favorite Youubers, I no longer write, skip online classes and do neither assignments nor my presentations, not to mention studying for exams. Getting up to get something to eat or drink is too much for me.
The only thing I still do is watch K-dramas on Netflix, but even that is sometimes too exhausting for me to always switch from TV to Netflix or watch on my mobile phone.
I'm repeating the year voluntarily because I felt bad mentally last year, but that is no longer a comparison to now. My grades are even more horrific than last year and although I could even have gone into Q12 last year with the grades, I won't make it through the year. My only chance would be to repeat again. That should be theoretically possible because I repeat voluntarily, but kp whether the school would do it again.
And although my future at school looks anything but bright, I'm not able to do anything.
And the worst part is that I suffer so much from it but am helpless. I was given antidepressants, which I had to stop immediately & now have to try new ones. I'm with a psychologist & have occupational therapy, but it's not getting better. I don't want to go on like this, but don't know what else I can do myself to make it better.
I want my motivation back so that I can at least become a little more active again.
First of all, don't worry. You're not the only one feeling this way! The pandemic is leaving its mark on all of us and it is a great step on your part to seek help. I find it sometimes really frightening what such a period of endurance tests can do to the health of people (both mentally and physically)! Were you diagnosed with mental illness before the pandemic? A lot comes together with you.
Why don't you have any more friends? Could it be because you are distancing yourself emotionally? Maybe you haven't lost the people, it's just because you're not letting them reach you at the moment?
That's not bad! To me, however, it sounds like everything is too much for you. YOU should ask your therapist specifically for a solution to this exact problem. I'm not a therapist, but I would still like to give you some tips. In my opinion, you need a break and not more hobbies. You think that you have to do too much, your brain blocks, you switch to other things and everything backs up. This is not the right approach to tackling anything. Just turn off the technical devices. Take a block and start making lists. Write down everything you can think of and make clear separations. School, friends, hobbies, appointments. Once you've got everything visual, you'll have a much better overview and at least know where to start. Talk to people you trust and therapists about your feelings. Get help for everything that you can't do alone. Unfortunately, you do not provide any information about your age or your level, but I think that depending on your relationship with your parents, it would not be bad at all if you made contact with the school together. If necessary, also with your therapist, because if she does something in writing, then the school will probably let you repeat it (with a tender recommendation).
Important: Do not expect too much at once. Treat yourself to off-screen breaks, go outside, clear your mind. Work through the things on the lists step by step and don't drive yourself crazy! Set priorities. Also tell your friends how you are doing, those who really like you will stay.
All the best and LG
Unfortunately, these are completely normal symptoms of depression. I know it doesn't help you that others with depression feel the same way. That is part of this disease. Not everyone suffers equally from listlessness and listlessness. But it's absolutely typical. I think you know that yourself. You write here regularly on the subject, if I'm not mistaken.
Have you already started using the new antidepressant?
Have you ever thought about inpatient treatment? What does your psychiatrist and psychotherapist think about how your treatment could proceed?
First of all, I think it is very strong of you that you want to face your problems, and also report here.
I can imagine a bit how you are, although you can't really put it that way, but a friend of mine had that for a while…
In any case, to motivate yourself, don't wear sweatpants, but rather jeans and a sweater. Then you go out, that can be 10 minutes or an hour. Alternatively, you can jog…
If you need any more tips, just get in touch again and don't let yourself get down, you'll find friends again IF YOU WRITE BACK TO THEM…
Thank you
Well, I haven't lost my friends, but it's just too exhausting to keep in touch with them at the moment. When they write to me, I usually ignore the messages for several days because it's too exhausting for me.
I'm 19 and I'm going to Q11 at a high school
It just pisses me off not doing anything. I get bored, which makes me restless, but I can't manage to do anything else.
My mother and I have a very good relationship and she also helps me a lot, especially with communicating with my psychologist because I can't make phone calls because of my social phobia.
I've been depressed since my father died (2016), but it only got really bad last year before the lockdown because I lost my best friend. We also have no more contact and that got me down so much and when the lockdown came about it was all over.
Now it's even worse, but there were a few more things. I had to spend my birthday alone, on New Year's Eve and on January 1st a doctor on call and the emergency doctor had to come to us because I had such a bad nosebleed. After that, due to the high level of blood loss (bleeding so badly for almost 30 minutes that some towels, two T-shirts and a few other things had to be believed), my circulation was poor. Then my father had his 5th anniversary of death and only 6 days later our cat died at the age of only 6. Since then, our cat has kept us busy because it misses our hangover so much that it screams continuously during the day and at night as soon as we leave it alone. But she doesn't want to sleep in bed with us either, so we not only stay up longer, but also have to get up several times a night.
And all of this makes me feel so bad.
Thank you, but I only wear leggings, I feel extremely uncomfortable in jeans because the fabric is so heavy
And I haven't lost my friends, I just have no motivation to keep in touch at the moment. I consciously ignore the messages because it is too hard for me to answer
No, I haven't, because I'm honestly afraid that the side effects will be as strong as the previous ones.
And no, stationary is out of the question for me. I can't feel comfortable anywhere except at home. Even with friends I feel uncomfortable for several hours, until I'm halfway relaxed and no longer have the desire to go home. Even on school trips and school trips, I always let myself be freed. I always drink a lot of alcohol at my girlfriend's place when I stay with her, because it loosens me up and makes it easier for me to sleep there.
Several weeks in a clinic is a worse notion than a horror movie becomes a reality.
My psychologist says I should keep doing Ergo and also look for a psychologist (which is not easy because I have a problem with men and want a psychologist), but I haven't managed to work off the phone list (especially since my mom is doing it because I can't talk to strangers on the phone).
I fully understand your fear of the side effects. But some of them are extremely bad. But you may also find one that helps you and has few or no side effects. For some, they are really well tolerated. Dare yourself and try it for a few weeks. Now you are on sick leave anyway and you can allow yourself side effects better than if you were back in class.
How about a day clinic? It usually ends around 3 p.m. And 4 p.m. You're near home in case something should happen.
Or do you have a day care center for the mentally ill? That could be good for you too. There you can try your hand at and nobody looks stupid if you suddenly leave the room, for example. There you can do various group therapies. You can do some research.
You could also check with your doctor to see if a sociotherapist is an option for you. It could accompany you in some things that are difficult for you. But only in severe cases. I can't judge how it would be with you.
Psychologist in addition? Would your health insurance company pay two therapists at the same time?
Do you dare to use an answering machine? Most therapists have it on most of the time.
So my psychologist doesn't really treat me. She prescribes the medication for me and gives me the prescriptions for occupational therapy and she is available for emergencies, but you don't get an appointment with her more than once a month. Therefore I should call in a psychologist for intensive therapy.
And a day clinic doesn't appeal to me very much either. I just like to be at home and that's the only place I really feel comfortable. The school is still bearable and so are friends, but I find clinics, doctor's offices, etc., terrible. The atmosphere alone totally triggers me. And the thought of being in such a place for several hours a day kills me, even though I have already said that it is out of the question.
And no, sometimes I can't even write e-mails to strangers. Whenever I'm supposed to email someone from my mom, I do it in the rudest way possible. I only write in what I should send. Without salutation or closing phrase, because it triggers me so blatantly to think about how to address someone.
FOS is out of the question for me.
The branches that one can choose with us are not my thing and I do not see one without getting money for doing internships for months. Mainly because you are told where to do your internship. My cousin hates going to the FOS and I always said to him: well, I know why I wanted to go to high school and not to the FOS
A friend of mine wants to study primary school teaching and had to do an internship in the old people's home for the first six months. I would shoot myself there.
So you have to do the following: 1. Make a pistol once with your right hand 2. Place your thumb on the three that are pointing at you 3. Press with your left hand for 1 sec. On both sides of your thumb then let go for 1 sec press your thumb again do that for 30-60 seconds (do that every day)
I know that sounds strange but that really helps, e.g. I was just bored for 2 weeks I didn't know what to do I wasn't up for anything until I did this exercise for a week I wasn't bored at all I just wanted to suddenly still do something and when I had nothing more to do then I immediately had an idea that I could make (is really missing)
Well if you are of legal age the school will probably expect you to do a lot on your own, but you should still have rules with your parents. Openly write to your friends that you are not doing well and that you need time for yourself. If they don't accept it or leave you, you know they weren't real friends.
As I said, work on not having so much on your mind
A lot comes together with you… It's a shame that you write that your therapist doesn't bring you much
