I would like to give comfort to someone when they feel bad, but somehow I have extreme problems with it. I can't handle such situations
I suffer from depression myself and that's why I think I have this strange relationship with grief. Every time I feel bad, I prefer to be with someone else who does not comfort me but rather normally with me, e.g. Watching Netflix. I hate to be comforted and always feel extremely uncomfortable and it's the other way around, I feel extremely uncomfortable and awkward when it comes to comforting others, and it often has an extremely bad effect on my own psyche to hear other problems Why I often want to ignore what is just egotistical and I don't want to be that way
What can I do?
Don't let yourself get emotionally down because of other people's problems.
If it is an important person give her couple of tips he does not follow them although they would be helpful AWAY WITH HIM OR HER.
A person who already has a lot of problems himself and has to fight himself or has no nerve to listen to other people's problems. People who also suffer from depression often simply can't let go of emotions in front of others and leave them somewhere where they are alone if your emotions are out they are reluctant to show them or not at all! That's why I wouldn't worry. Even if it comes across as strange you can't force yourself to do it. You comfort people from your heart and if you can't do that, that's the way it is! All the best to you
What is your worldview?
One thing is to distance yourself from people, because things are very, very bad and cost a lot of strength and drag your own mood down a lot, so that you have the feeling that it is growing over your head and you can no longer make it.
The other thing is to throw someone out of their life who is not doing well for a while. It is precisely then that no wise advice or suggested solutions will help. Above all, it helps to be there for the other person.
Of course, one shouldn't suffer from friendship. But to expect the other person to always be fine or, in case of doubt, to follow my ideas is, in my opinion, completely exaggerated.
First of all, you can acknowledge that you can only help others if you are doing well enough. After all, a person with a broken leg can't support anyone else while walking. It is therefore perfectly fine if you can't offer comfort for a while in your situation, you certainly do not have to feel guilty or ashamed for that.
As for your relationship with grief and sadness, it's normal. Everyone needs something different when they feel bad, because everyone deals with a situation differently and that's perfectly fine. So if watching Netflix helps you more than pity, that's great and you can tell the people who are trying to comfort you and suggest, for example, what to watch together.
When it comes to comforting others, it's pretty much the same as everyone needs something different. And if you don't know what, it often helps to just go to the person, listen carefully and ask them openly what comforts them and what they want. Then you feel less awkward yourself and the other person gets what they need. However, that can also be the "classic comfort" and any form of comfort usually requires a little strength.
So I want to say again: It doesn't matter if you can't do that for a while. That doesn't mean that you are weak either. You just have to take care of yourself first before you can help others. It's like being on a plane with breathing masks.
