So.
My father always comes home from work in the afternoon, taking a shower while I warm and serve the food my mother cooks and watches the news while eating. Then he sits down on the sofa in the living room and squirts GTA V. Or rather said, he gets on a plane and flies. The only time he flies and shoots people in the plane, which he does not do anything else in the game. He is gambling all the time and does not stop until around 7pm. Then he always watches series, mostly on Netflix. And then he goes to sleep. He does that every day. My mother actually stays in the kitchen or in my room all the time, sharing it with my little brother. The relationship between my father and my mother is very bad and my relationship with him is getting worse and worse. If we want to go out, I ask my father if he would like to come too, but he always just gives me the answer "What am I supposed to do", "is too late", "is not beautiful". His relationship with my brothers is not the best either, and when I'm planning a family conversation, there's always someone who denies it. At least I try to get my parents to talk and take time for themselves, but my mother does not want to because she thinks that's useless (which I can understand a bit with my dad, he does not handle criticism well).
Please take seriously, my family is breaking up.
Your dad is obviously addicted to watching TV and gambling. For him, it is not just a pastime that bores you from time to time, but it determines your complete private life. Try to convince him of a conversation with a psychologist. Since I find that irresponsible to the family, I would cut as affected the cables (I do not want to have advised you now but).
There you have a lot of responsibilities that you neither have to carry, nor can you bear. It is not your job to bring the family blessings that your parents have ruined back to normal. Accordingly, I can't give you any real advice, you will not be able to change either your mother or your father. Try to focus on yourself and your life, finish your school, find a job, and move out. If you are very suffering from the conditions, get someone to help you. These can be the parents of friends, a teacher with whom you understand yourself well, or you can contact a counseling center.
For example, the child and youth telephone, the social service, the psychosocial counseling center or counseling facilities of Caritas and Diakonie.
In the worst case, turn to the youth welfare office, they can also install a family help with you, which then takes over the job that you are currently trying to take over. But you should think twice about that. But it is a possibility.
To take away the addict from an addict? As a daughter? Very bad idea. If he finds out she was, hell is gone and a new cable is quickly getting worried.
I think if we were both not thinking as neutrals, but in the situation of the FS, then we would not act so rationally, but just take away the addictive substance to force the addict to make contact. But you're right, many addicts become aggressive if you take away the addictive substance.
But… Uhm… We think as neutrals and are just not in the situation of the FS and can therefore give good advice. Excuse me, not only are many addicts becoming aggressive, in addition to being computer gambling addiction. And not only that… It's even, probably, an online game. Playing in itself can make you even upset, let alone playing with others. In a game that is based on killing each other. And now imagine, the guy just has a "Kill streak", so it's going really well - or on the contrary, it's going bad, the guy is already really aggressive and highly concentrated on revenge - and just in this moment draws his Daughter the cable. In addition, she writes that he can't deal well with criticism anyway. With all due respect, but that can really go wrong. But that's right. That would upset any gamer, but a gambling addict?! If the well-being of FS is important to you, you should refrain from such advice, even in a joke, no offense…
Personally, I'm very impulsive and probably would have destroyed the cable in this situation while the father is still at work. Even if it is not very tactical.
You would not be the first to pay for it with their lives or at least their health. You should not paint the devil on the wall, no. But you should not bother with it. And without knowing an addict, one should always assume that a forced withdrawal could trigger unpredictable reactions. I'm also sure that any search expert would advise against this, ESPECIALLY, if you are inferior in all respects AND not properly trained.
while the father is still at work
Then he evades for the evening on the phone and worried tomorrow a new one.
And as a bonus, he leaves the bad mood about it to you.
That's right, if you do not know the person, you can only speculate about the willingness to use violence. Anyway, with my dad I would allow myself that.
My dad has never hit me, he'll never do that, and I'm certainly not that dumb and cut the cable, because it's not hard to get a new one. Sorry, if I'm wrong, but my dad is neither obsessed with the game nor violent.
If he's not addicted to it, why is that his only pastime?
I can't say if he's addicted or not, but he sure is not so obsessed with the game that he would beat me. And, when I come to be addicted:
- he goes to bed early - he always goes to work - while playing he is actually as good as ever approachable. - If the Playstation spins, it will not rest in any case, but just try again
I'm not an expert, but I do not know if that's really addictive.
I would not say it would be really addictive because otherwise he would not be able to go to work any more and play sick all the time in order to gamble. However, it is very worrying that he dedicates more time to this game than to his family.
All funny answers.
So yes, there's clearly something between your mother and your father.
It may be that something had happened between the two, the less you know the better, or for your self-protection of your psyche. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about, I know all this. Yeah, it looks like your dad is addicted because he's in front of the TV all the time, but because you say your mother is in a different room every time, that sounds like a big deal for you, both of them do not want to see each other and therefore get out of the way.
Sure if you suffer badly it might be good if you could talk to someone professional about it. Otherwise you will suffer more than your parents, and depression is really not nice. Just because I know how to heal wounds, but there are always scars left, if you understand.
Clearly if you address them, blocks one or the other, or as you say that your father can't deal with criticism well.
yes sure it is good if your mother and your father would speak out, and that maybe you are also there, so that could pronounce times right, or that you can also say you as children what you think and how you feel. But depending on what it's about you can't be there as a child or not the whole time, that's private and possibly intimate, if you understand.
yes as I said, sure it is good if you all as a family you sit together and all told from your point of view.
but still it is very important that a foreign or a neutral person is there, so someone who does not know all of you, preferably a professional person, z.b. Yes someone from caritas, a family therapist, someone coming to your home. I think if, for example, your parents knew that someone came to you, it may be that one or the other blocks, so it would be really good if you among your children together you and tries to make such an appointment with someone, say best it would be important and urgent. If this person comes unexpectedly, that means your parents know nothing, no one can suddenly leave so fast, but you have to make an appointment, if you know that your parents are both home.
and what you can do as children, your parents and get you to go out more often than family, z.b. Go for a walk or something else. You as children, do something nice for your parents, surprise them with something, make them happy. Give your parents a feeling that you love them, that they are needed as parents, gives them the feeling that they have done well as parents. Or just put all the pictures out, from earlier, eg. The whole family photos, pictures when you were still small or you were still babies. Show those pictures as your parents were even younger. Ask your parents how long they know each other, how long they are together, where they met.
I find today more and more people are separating, nowadays only a few know what family is or what cohesion means. It is easier to separate than fight for something.
By the way, if you're trying to start an attack to help your parents, if you think it's getting worse, it's best to stop right now, so it's best to step down before it gets any worse.
At least I've learned, most people take everything for granted, and people start learning or understanding or appreciating, usually when it's too late. I mean, only when the other has done that then the other begins to understand.
By the way, whatever you can do as a child, telling her that your parents are sitting next to each other, and that you kids take your parents and the two of them right into their arms. I often take you into my arms. I mean as a sign that you children love your parents. That you need them… Not only are the parents proud of their children, but also as children you can be proud of your parents.
I hope I could give you some tips and advice.
wish you all the best, and press the thumb that everything will turn out well.
