Why does my mother tell nonsense about me?

At my home the situation has worsened in recent days. My sister (18) got together with a 30-year-old drug dealer Albanian at the age of 15, and I had experienced that at the time and, of course, told my parents. Since then there has been a lot of argument here in the house because my parents don't accept him. I had ruined my life for a long time and was constantly worried about her while she insulted me, at some point I decided for myself that I don't care about it because it just stresses me and I don't concentrate on my studies can.

My sister was so stupid and indirectly told my parents that she was no longer a virgin. My parents are pretty freaked out, but not because they had sex but with whom. I kept out of it - just tried to calm my parents down. Well my sister thinks that I have to talk very badly about her friends to me, that I'm supposed to be the very last, etc. Then my collar burst and I said I don't want to have anything more to do with her, because it can't be that she talks so badly about me (although I didn't do anything), but I can diligently pay for Netflix, Disney subscriptions like other things. For me that was also done.

My sister then continues to think that I have to talk loudly about me out of provocation, and then I asked my father to stop because I can't concentrate on studying. The situation of my parents and her got so acute that my sister packed her things and moved out.

Well, my mother hasn't talked to me since yesterday and the best is yet to come - she tells my father that I supposedly skipped school when I was 15 and drove home to a guy who lived elsewhere (another city). And I really never did that?

I have now decided to move out for myself, because I have the feeling that my mother and sister take me as a guilty party for what is going wrong in their lives. They say I'm not better at behavior but what I do is university, work, learn and train. I do not want the relationship between me and my mother to suffer at least, but I'm slowly realizing that I'm moving away from everything more and more - also unfortunately from my dad, although he is not doing anything wrong. I urgently need your advice. Why is my sister talking badly about me? Why does my mother tell such trash about me? What the hell am i doing wrong?

Why is my sister talking badly about me?

Probably because in the eyes of your sister you "whistled" her at the parents and thus stood up to her

Why does my mother tell such trash about me?

You may only suspect this as an outsider, but the best thing to do is to clarify it yourself and ask.

But my parents already suspected it and it was really a matter of time before it would come out.

And I asked her, she ignores me.

Stay energetic!

That sounds pretty confused, and it is also not entirely clear what exactly your mother should have told WEM. You still seem to be goal-oriented (study, training), which is not a matter of course in your family relationship. Stay straight, take care of your life path, don't be provoked. It seems to me that your mother is frustrated that your sister apparently runs into her misfortune and that she can't avert it. You are currently sitting between the chairs, but if you are consistent and honest, your parents will be proud of you later! Strengthen your inner attitude, true respectful distance and tell the parents what offends or hurts you. Do not let yourself be provoked to reproaches.

In short: there's a lot of mutual set-off, anger and anger in your family.

These are all unproductive feelings that mostly lead to even more despair.

A change will only be possible through mutual respect and open discussions about the feelings you feel about yourself (and without accusations against another person, etc.).

Under these systemic (!) Conditions (I think you know the word that is reminiscent of a mobile, in which all parts move as soon as something happens to a part), a very unhealthy dynamic has arisen.

I also think that everyone involved "secretly" regrets a particular position in their own past behavior, but does not dare to speak openly to one another.

Perhaps you can take care of yourself best if you not only write to girlfriend.net and unfortunately can expect little answers that are really tailored to you, but if you can SPEAK with psychological counseling experts. I would like to recommend that you call 0800 1110 333 (for youngsters) or 0800 111 0 550 (adults). You can also remain anonymous there if you want. All the best!

Anyone who interferes must expect that the waves can also hit their own side.

So your mother secretly blames you that her other daughter has moved out.

No matter if you were right to warn her about your sister's friend.

Sometimes, when you are against a connection and make it known, you drive the person concerned into the arms of their neglected partner.

That probably happened here and now you are responsible for this lousy one, but it was an interaction of all of you. But you made them aware of it.

You yourself can learn the lesson from this, either to interfere in no matters that do not concern you personally, or to continue doing this, but then to deal with overreactions.

Your sister has to see for yourself whether this friend is good for you and who knows, maybe she is also good for him and he changes things in his life.

If you see something with a questionable eye, it is usually better to be silent but to indicate that you would be there if things went wrong.

I did the same with my youngest daughter… It took a year for her to break up on her own… Simply because she saw what I thought before.

But she had to have her own experience and knew that I was always there without wanting to know anything better than she was. And I knew if she was happy with him, that's a good thing, even if I didn't like him. Which I never gave him to show because I didn't want to lose my daughter.

Perhaps you would have preferred to be on the sidelines as a trainer, knowing that your sister will be blinded by blind love at most and will solve the whole thing yourself according to her values, which your parents have given you on the way.

Therefore let your mother whir, reproach you. You all reacted wrong, the child fell into the well, but if you pout now, none of you have the strength to master conflicts.

At most, your father, whom you seem to be closer to. What would most likely be the opportunity to have a conversation with him about the current situation… But if possible without exuberant emotions. Rather than a pragmatic analysis of your starting point.

They've made a scapegoat out of you. The mother would have preferred not to have known anything, but you got the ball rolling. Revenge is coming.

Move out. Don't let yourself get drawn into this unhealthy dynamic. Distance yourself.

You probably have no experience with drug addicts.

Oh, I have more experience in it than one might like, especially since it is apparently less about drugs than the business in it… However, what we can't really know, we only heard one version of the story.

I think you have to be careful there. When I was probably as young as you we wrote the year 68 and we lived it out then… Over time became more normal… We really broke out, had this opportunity that was taken from you and here again on top of it… An Albanian 15 Years older and drug dealer, a sister who talks three…

I wouldn't want to do without what I had gained at that time… I get through very seriously today… I just don't want to miss my wild times… They were important to understand a lot.

And you hardly dared to do it today, as we did in 68, but it was probably no different… In youth you have to break out, look for it, try everything out to ecstasy. It is the most blatant time you go through and if you survive it would be good if you could find the serenity in it with all your scraps that can still find a place… Otherwise it would be bland.

Today I live from my herb garden, the knowledge and use of the preservation of the ingredients was hardly wrong.

It was interesting and today I have my own pharmacy where 90% comes from my garden. Hemp is also part of it, valerian often helps more and St. John's wort is a blessing. And and and… I tried everything until my mid-twenties, after that I wanted to understand it. And that was really interesting.

I could sell my products expensive today… But I don't like it, nor could I guarantee it… How good the active ingredient of a plant depends on the weather and if the weather is right my product is just a bit good otherwise.

People who want products from me can't do that at all

Of course that's bad and dealers should be punished more severely.

However, your question was about why your mother quarrels with you, so much that you think about moving out too.

And I just thought that she made you a perpetrator because her other daughter moved out. You only got the stone rolling because the contact with her boyfriend is actually not the yellow of the egg.

Your parents saw it that way, but it is now easier to put the blame on you.

I hope your sister soon realizes that she can't have any future prospects with this man and will therefore leave him, but that's exactly what has to come from her. You as a family can only catch her if she wants to come back.