Our 16 1/2 year old son gives us great grief. He was a very inquisitive child who was interested in everything. But with the onset of puberty (at the age of 12) everything changed. Since then he doesn't want to study anymore and is only interested in media (cell phone, computer, Netflix…). Since he was also becoming increasingly aggressive towards us and couldn't be told anything more, the situation at home became so unbearable that we put him in a boarding school for 2 years when he was 14. We had previously consulted family therapists and a psychologist, but our son refused to accept this help.
Now he lives with us again after the 2 years in the boarding school. His grades have dropped completely and he doesn't do anything for school anymore. When we try to talk to him, he says that there's no place for him in this world and this society, that he prefers to withdraw into his imaginary world of thoughts and dream himself somewhere. He can't imagine working anything or learning a trade and then always going to work from morning to night. He doesn't even know what, because he doesn't enjoy anything. The world is just gray for him. School isn't fun either, everything is just boring.
Has anyone experienced something similar? We're totally at a loss because he rejects a psychologist. That would "be of no use anyway". I wonder if he might have an illness or a depression. Is it possible to do anything in such a case? What worries me most is that I don't see what he should do in the future. There are only 1.5 years until he finishes school and everything I suggest he rejects. I have to say that we're currently living temporarily in the USA and he is attending high school there. He will only manage this because I write most of the homework and assignments for him. Can you achieve something with drugs like that? Maybe someone has advice…
You stop doing his chores with it. How is he supposed to notice that things are getting serious when you build a wall around him and protect him from the consequences.
maybe he needs this conflict to wake up.
I advise you not to continue doing this, because it only makes the situation worse and you keep putting it off until later.
take him to his doctor if you suspect he has depression
Sounds like a problem that only a psychologist etc. Can solve. Maybe he lacks the connection to something solid. Boarding school first, then the USA. It seems as if his environment etc. Changes often. The way I see it, he doesn't see the point in working for anything or pursuing a goal.
A saying goes that motivation can be the meaning of life.
He can't imagine working anything or learning a trade and then always going to work from morning to night. He doesn't even know what, because he doesn't enjoy anything. The world is just gray for him. School isn't fun either, everything is just boring.
Maybe at his age that is asking a bit too much. Put yourself in his shoes. He doesn't know anything but school.
Does it help explain that "real" life can be fun too? Can you somehow make him understand that you can also make money with cool things? Do you want to help him find out what that could be?
Sure, all children today want to become YouTube stars. Explain to him why this is nonsense and make it clear to him that you want to find out his future with him.
I understand why you do his homework, but you know yourself that it won't help him, right?
Find ideas together! Would internships be possible? School education? A study?
Yes, I do (explaining to him that real life can be fun). I have already listed 1000 professions for him, from air traffic controller to physiotherapist and hairdresser, and tried to bring them closer, but he says he is not interested in anything. But he also has no nonsense in his head such as Youtube star. He has to get this high school diploma, otherwise he will come back to Germany at the age of 18 and won't even get his high school diploma recognized. I only help him with school because he has nothing else. I would let him appear in Germany, but I can't do that here in the USA. We'll try to consult a psychologist here and maybe try some medication. Because of Corona, everything is not so easy at the moment.
It's such a shame. I would like to help because I actually believe that only a little educational work would be needed here to convince him that work can also be fun if you make an effort to find the right job.
As an idea: If your son doesn't like to take advice from you as a father - does he have someone he thinks is cool? An example? A relative? (An older buddy would be great too!) Someone he likes, trusts, and who would take a relaxed look at the subject?
Like it or not, he needs help, and if it's a clinic.
Such behavior is alarming and if he continues to seek help you will have to force him.
He can't just stop going to school and doing nothing.
Look for help, new advisers or something else.
A certain hobby would be very good. One in which he finds himself and thus becomes strong and absorbed in it. Then a lot is superfluous by itself
