I'm in a difficult situation right now.
I have been happy with my girlfriend for 2 years. I work every day from 8 a.m. To 4 p.m. And don't come back until around 4 p.m. From then on I write to her for the rest of the day, play with her and talk to her about discord. Everything has been good so far. We're both depressed and pretty dependent on each other.
For about 3 months she has had a new best friend where she says clearly that it's just a friend. If I don't want something, she leaves it. However, he puts a lot of strain on the relationship because he spends a lot of time with her. He's allowed to go to her home and that's where they learn for school because he's not good at it. Then they chat and watch netflix or cuddle. You also write things like "I love you".
So far it has burdened me so much that I wanted her to keep more distance for my mental peace so that I feel better again, which she did. Then he wrote to me and insulted me and said I was just hurting her and that I was driving her to depression and being a psychopath.
Is that really asking that much? I have a loss trauma which exactly resulted from such a situation.
She's damn unhappy now and treats it like she's lost a family member. She justified the contact with the fact that he is there for her personally during the week, can be there when I'm still working and he takes the pressure off her while eating. Besides, it would be good to see someone else besides me.
His behavior, on the other hand, was: to take care of their problems, to be there when I can't do it through work, to subliminally present myself as bad and to insult myself and to present myself as a non-expert.
So. I feel bad and I want to know what I'm doing wrong. I have always taken care of her problems, spent time with her, and listened to her. I've made sure that she is fine and give her all the freedom. Am i really that bad?
Oh god, please don't worry you are MORE than just tolerant, others like me would dump your partner, what do you need a best friend in the relationship the partner is everything at the same time, really don't blame yourself for you are closed 101% compromising and others would probably be 0 so she can consider herself lucky
And that he takes the right to insult you is just absolutely cheeky, I would really rebuke him.
Thank you very much. That means a lot to me. I have already corrected him, but he doesn't care. And my girlfriend is more in the middle and doesn't know what to do.
Do you trust her
I've already slept in bed with my best friend, nothing happened!
We have known each other for ages, no one ever had ambitions to "do something" with the other, since we're just friends.
Our friendship is often rated negatively by the person's environment, only we know the truth!
I've been in a happy relationship for 22 years and my boyfriend (mate) doesn't give a damn as a man! There's something like that too!
You are not bad at all. You are doing well.
The guy you are with for school because he doesn't do well is sick otherwise he wouldn't offend you.
Your "doll" will definitely not get involved with one of these.
Invite your girlfriend, talk about it again, say you agree that she has a change with him only to study or cuddle and trust her when you are not here.
It took some getting used to for you at first, but you can't lock her up if you have to make money.
Heads up!
s'life goes on.
Of course I trust her. It's just not normal for me. Besides, he's madly in love with her. But not in him. But because of my trauma, it's still a great burden for me. Mainly because he kind of pushes me away from her because I don't fit HIM. She just looks on somehow because she can't make a decision.
You did everything right because that went too far!
And if the guy doesn't offend you, let that look deeply, I guess he likes her.
I would give her a choice - him or me!
If my wife cuddled with other men I would freak out!
In fact, he recently confessed to her that he was madly in love with her. I just wanna be a little bad friend I also had several breakdowns because of what she knows. But somehow she can't set limits for anyone by herself because she can't say no.
You are not a bad friend!
He is definitely a rival, and you absolutely rightly pulled the EMERGENCY BRAKE!
You now have to decide: him or you.
If she doesn't see that, then she's a bad friend and belongs in the desert.
I would 100% forbid contact! He struggles between your relationship, and that doesn't work!
Otherwise he'll get her over soon, if it hasn't already happened.
Then you make the decision and talk to him and her plainly.
Either you two or the two of them, neither is possible! It has nothing to do with tolerance anymore, more with "looking the other way".
Thank you. I try to confront you with it. I'm just very scared because I'm very attached to her and can't stand a break in relationship for the same reason as the relationship before. The last time I had suffered a trauma.
Thank you. That's how I see it too. I'm just scared of doing any harm. She is already very sad where it was just a matter of keeping a little distance from him.
If, as you write, she has depression, she is not badly sad, she has a depressed mood, matching the illness.
The damage has already been done because you are in a three-way relationship, so one has to leave!
Keeping a little distance doesn't help at all! Either you or he. But you certainly have to enforce that.
Don't be blind, just open your eyes. You will be cuddled with or not at all!
Thanks for the asterisk ⭐️
