I'm 19. I started my studies this year and haven't made any friends yet. The friends I had in my old school are all in a completely different place and we can almost never see each other again. So I'm pretty lonely right now. Groups have already formed during my studies. I'm somehow not in any… Since last week I've only started attending / skipping lectures online and then catching up online - I somehow hide in my apartment and hardly meet strangers. But I also hardly have any free time because I'm very busy with my studies. So I'm really in my apartment all day, watching lectures, reading and writing papers online. When I have nothing more to do in the evening, I watch Netflix. I cried for the first time in years 3 weeks or so ago (for no reason) and I just often feel tired and melancholy.
On the one hand, I really want to do something about it (make friends, go back to lectures, have fun), but I have no idea how and I can only motivate myself for a very short moment.
This state of affairs is new to me as I've always been surrounded by friends and so…
Grateful for any helpful answer.
I can only recommend you to get to know people in your environment via social media then you can (if the pandemic allows) do something together + you are no longer lonely.
Friendships are fundamentally important so that we feel emotionally comfortable and are balanced. We humans were not created to be loners, but need the close community of others in order to remain mentally healthy in the long term.
But that is not so easy these days! Many only think of themselves and their own advantage and are therefore extremely unsuitable for real friendships. So it can easily happen that you deal with many people every day, but nobody is there who is really interested in you. As a result, loneliness quickly spreads.
One book says: "" Loneliness is not a disease, loneliness is a healthy hunger…, a natural sign that we lack friendships "(In Search of Intimacy). A little consolation for you may be that you are with But you shouldn't sink into discouragement, because being alone is not an immutable fate! So what could you do?
Problems in making new friends can of course have many causes. One could be that you are standing in your own way. By that I mean that it depends on how you feel about yourself.
If you e.g. Regarding as unlovable or unattractive, you will likely have great problems reaching out to others because you think you may be rejected. If that applies to you, then it is time to think about your negative self-image and correct it if necessary.
For example, what could you do when it comes to external appearance? It goes without saying that you should pay attention to a well-groomed appearance, but without being overly fashionable. This also includes eating a healthy diet, getting enough exercise and getting enough sleep. Such good living habits have a positive effect on your appearance, which in turn has a positive effect on your self-esteem.
It is also not primarily about how you appear externally to others. If you just focus on that, you will become tense and stiff. It is more important that you have a positive, life-affirming inner attitude. This has a decisive effect on your charisma!
For example, there's hardly anything that is more attractive to others than a friendly smile. If you add a pinch of humor, others will automatically feel drawn to you. But that's not all!
If you want to make real friends, one thing is very important: to be open. That means that you tell others about yourself, let them know what is really going on inside you. Of course, that does not mean that you are overly open-hearted and immediately entrust your innermost secrets to everyone. First of all, there has to be a certain basis of trust before one reveals one's insides. However, this arises best when you present yourself as you really are and not as you think, what others expect of you.
When you are completely yourself in a relationship, there's no question that you appear lovable and attractive. On the other hand, you shouldn't just tell about yourself, you should also be interested in your counterpart. Ask him questions, then listen carefully! Yes, an open exchange of ideas is essential for a friendship!
If you want to make friends, it is important to have the qualities of a good friend yourself. Someone once said: "There's only one way to make friends; to be one" (Ralph Waldo Emerson). The key to this is selfless interest in others. I remember what Jesus Christ once said about this and what has come to be known as "The Golden Rule": "As you want people to do to you, do them also" (Luke 6:31).
Above all, you are a selfless friend if you like to give. Yes, if your friend's needs are more important to you than your own preferences and conveniences, then you are indeed a real friend!
Here too, the advice of the Bible is very appropriate: "There's more happiness in giving than there's in receiving" (Acts 20:35). If giving dominates in a relationship, it not only promotes friendship, but also makes you much happier! Unfortunately, this is often forgotten these days, and so many friendships break up again.
So you see, there are many possibilities
Thank you for the star!
