Write to the person why I can't get along with them?

In my m14 life there's a person m17 who has (unintentionally) made me mentally pretty down.

I met him on August 19 on Girlfriend. An online friendship developed. Then there was a time when we didn't write anything to each other. About half a year ago I re-established contact. Little by little, I found out a lot about him. He is perfection in person. Outwardly, he has everything. Charisma, rich parents, friends, immense talents, flawless looks, and so on. I know that he has been under enormous pressure to succeed since childhood and wanted to kill himself several times. But I never think of that.

I always compared myself to him and his positive "traits", which over time became toxic to me. I'm / was jealous of him all the time. So I tried to ban him from my life with a break in contact. But somehow I never made it. But I think about him every day. I associate a lot with him, for example. New York, undercuts, Snapchat, male adolescents with short hair, fashion, Netflix, the first district of Vienna, green pens, hotels, restaurants, Tik Tok, classy public toilets, … (please don't question it).

In the end, I now thought to myself whether I should just write to him why he is beating me down. Can that be a deal for me or fix the situation with him again? In itself he's really nice. What would you do?

He can't help the fact that his way and his lifestyle are beating you down. If you like him and therefore want to contact him, explain it to him, but don't blame him for things he can't do. You don't have to compare yourself, but you do because you lack something, because he probably has everything you (think) not to have. Don't compare yourself, just accept yourself and your lifestyle. Everything is individual, what is better / worse is a matter of opinion. If that was far too toxic for you and you had sleepless nights as a result, leave it at the break of contact and ask yourself what your goals are, what are you missing. Wishing you all the best.

I don't blame him for not doing me good. It is / was my fault and I would make that clear to him. In principle, my goal would be to be able to finish with that. That he understands why I ignored him, that I accept myself more and that a friendship could develop again

That sounds pretty good, I think you should write to him and describe everything. I think it's good that you reflect on yourself and are so realistic 👍 Good luck with your project.

Thank you.