Caution! Could be a little long!
as you can see above, it's about my 22 year old sister.
Maybe you had or have a "case" in your family where you ask yourself why this person doesn't care about their life.
To my sister:
She is 22 years old and has been working as a temporary assistant in a clothing store for more than 2 years, even though she obtained the technical college entrance qualification at 2.3.
The company went bankrupt during her first apprenticeship (retail) and she was already without a job after 2 months. And since then she has been working and chilling mostly. Ok, she has already sent applications for an apprenticeship position (quite a few) and there have also been cancellations, but that doesn't mean you throw the shotgun in the grain as quickly as she does! Everyone knows or had that.
I have to say to her all the time, almost screaming that she should maybe sit in front of the TV less or take selfies and take a look at the applications. With ach and noise, she manages an application.
Things don't go smoothly in love life either. At 22, she is still kissed. Ok, I do not urge her to take the first one but that she pays a little attention to her figure and does some sport because she is a bit overweight and you just feel better with sport and your self-esteem increases. Nothing happens! Although we have fitness equipment at home, it remains unaffected. That's where Netflix and Chill go.
I do not understand that! She is such a pretty, smart and talented woman and so phlegmatic if you can say that.
How can I help you? Why is she so listless?
Everyone has ups and downs but most struggle from low to high. Why she not?
It has to go so slowly…
I thank you in advance for every tip / advice.
Let them live their own lives.
It is clear that she has to make a living with something. You can't live for free anywhere *, you don't get anything to eat for free and you can only buy something nice if you still have something left at the end of the month.
How she accomplishes this and whether her path makes her permanently happy is her decision. She is old enough for that.
* If she lives with you for free: I don't understand why you are doing this. It's not as if she was a student and therefore would not have the opportunity to earn the rent. Demand a rent from her, not just a symbolic one.
I can well imagine that it hurts your soul when you see how a close person does nothing of his life and lets himself go. But the sad truth is: your sister has grown up and is responsible for her own life. And in my experience, you can't change a person by constantly talking to him. In the worst case, the person affected will then wall up even more. The motivation to change something in her life must come from her and no one else. As long as you don't really have a very close relationship, she won't let you say anything and do her own thing.
I would leave her alone for now and wait. Sometimes people get the curve later, even if it doesn't look like it at first.
All the best for your sister!
She probably does all of this because you put tremendous pressure on her to accomplish certain things. You don't lose weight by people telling you "you have to lose weight!" On the contrary, you get totally stressed and eat more and more out of frustration.
And what do you care that she is still unaffected at 22? That is entirely up to you!
Better dedicate yourself to your own attitude to life.
Where do you read that she lets her sister live with her?
You want to manage their lives for them. You are constantly signaling to her that she is the way she is - with a job, relaxation after work (chilling), the need to feel beautiful (selfies) and her body (overweight) is not okay and for her social life (not kissed)) must be ashamed.
This is extreme stress! The stress can lead to complete inactivity ("it's not worth it anyway!).
Think about how you are when someone keeps telling you or showing you that you should be ashamed of every aspect of your life!
Give her time, build her up, show her her talents and attractiveness (something about her will be good, her humor, her laughter, her way of dealing with people, her style of dress etc.). You don't get motivated by constant criticism, but by showing someone what you can do, what you can do and also give you time and space to breathe!
How right you are! Now that I have read all the answers, I can see that I was only exerting pressure.
Although we have fitness equipment at home, it remains unaffected.
I also deliberately wrote that in the subjunctive.
And that can't be the parents' house? My parents also have a gym in the house.
Thank you very much. I will follow your advice.
For me it is less a question of you exerting pressure. It's not necessarily a bad thing. But it doesn't help if the person you want to help doesn't want help. I know that this is not an easy finding. But tell your sister that you will now leave her alone, that she is old enough to do her own thing. But also tell her that you will be there for her if she really wants your help.
I definitely will! 👍🏻 Thank you very much.
Very much. All the best to you! Stay healthy!
Then I just don't understand why the lady lives with her parents for free…
This is the case with many families.
Thank you likewise
Yes, if the youngsters go to school, study or do an FSJ and are therefore dependent on maintenance. But I would find it ridiculous if someone doesn't pay rent who has the opportunity to earn a full salary.
Why? There are parents who just don't need it.
The parents also have the task of educating their offspring to be able to live independently. How is a child supposed to learn that when they get everything carried to their feet even in adulthood?
My parents don't need it either. And the rent that I (student with a temporary job) pay them is significantly less than a single room in the last shack. I also knew that they would help me with the rent at any other place of study at any time. But as long as I can make ends meet and don't lose my self-esteem, I don't take free living space for granted.
My brothers also lived with my parents for a few years without rent and funny, they are still independent and viable. ^^
That's nice! And if that worked out in another way, also nice!
In the case of the questioner's sister, however, this does not seem to work with independent viability. The way things are going so far, she seems to see no reason to get up.
Then it is the job of the parents to give her a kick in the but, not that of the sister.
In someone who is 22 years old, the parents are no longer parents. They are companions just as much or not as siblings and friends.
It would have been 18 years to raise children.
Don't you think that's very generalized? My siblings and I still take very seriously what our parents advise us as adults.
