Hello and thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my request.
I (man, 27) have hidden from my girlfriend (26) that I have been unemployed since January 2020.
We have known each other for about 3 months & have been a couple for about 2 weeks.
Since we have known each other, I lied to you that I'm currently in an employment relationship. All the time, I knew that it was not the right way because I'm a person who almost always chooses the right way.
Yesterday I was able to collect my courage and reveal your EVERYTHING. Stand my husband, admit my mistake & tell the complete truth.
She reacted very positively, encouraged me to support me in my job search and said that it is not bad.
This morning she is like a replacement - angry, feels completely screwed, not taken seriously and now questions everything about me.
Why did I lie to you?
I can't deal with my current professional situation, I can't accept it and I'm ashamed of it. That's why. Not because I wanted to impress you. We haven't talked in 10 hours.
I'm very serious about her and can hardly imagine anything without her. We saw each other every day, did a lot of different things, such as
Picnic, lunch, shopping, sunbathing, Netflix, sports & was even allowed to get to know your closest friends, etc. I stood by your side after going through a difficult operation and have been cooking for you since day 1, helping you with private matters.
But suddenly she questions all this and sees only the bad thing: that I wasn't honest with her and that I don't seem to know what love is.
What should I do? How to act I definitely don't want to lose you.
First of all it's great that you have now been honest with her.
It is clear to you that you should have done this earlier. It would have been late when the relationship started.
I would be very disappointed and injured if I were you. It's not a great start for a relationship.
I could imagine that it just takes time to digest that.
Give her the time she needs now, try talking to her again.
I think it is not uncommon that the disappointment and thus a change in behavior comes later. At that moment she was a bit surprised.
In retrospect, she probably only understood that you built your relationship on lies. She is disappointed and doubts about you, you can understand that.
Meet and talk calmly about everything, give your reasons and promise never to lie again.
You have a great chance in front of you and with this girlfriend maybe only this one. You messed up and you're insightful.
Real compassion is the basic requirement for your injured girlfriend.
The best thing you can do for your girlfriend is to take full responsibility for your behavior. Admit that you can't deal with your lack of love and feel ashamed of it… And hurt her feelings.
If you do not do this, you will make the wrong that you have done worse by insulting that you do not respect her as a person, as a friend, whom she deserves.
The second best is a sincere apology that really comes from the heart, along with a well-considered explanation of what made you behave.
Your friend will appreciate your openness more than a gift.
There was no talk of white lies here, that's something completely different. This is about real lies that abuse trust.