I'm in my early 20s and I'm in my last year of study.
For about 2 years I have had phases in which I feel bad. For example, lately I don't know what to do with myself. In the morning I sleep a long time because I don't know what to do with the day. Maybe I'll do something for my bachelor's thesis and the remaining 9 hours will be in front of social media and Netflix. Sometimes I have a little motivation boost and do yoga or workouts. I could also meet up with friends but mostly I don't ask them because I don't have so much to talk about and it's always hard to think about what to say now. And I'm partly afraid that they will notice that I have nothing exciting to tell.
I don't know what to do with my life there's nothing that motivates me. I don't want to work in the office because I can't open my mouth in meetings and always blush. I'm not stupid but very incapable of communication and am going to blush for fear of blushing. I also see no point in working in companies. I would like to have a friend but don't go on dates because they are always boring and I'm afraid.
Everyone has always said how pretty I'm but I feel attacked because I'm reduced to it. I'm good at the university but felt zero social skills.
I feel like I'm not living my life properly even though I've been traveling a lot. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel unmotivated, desperate and my heart hurts. Out of self-pity, out of impotence when I see how badly other people are doing, out of hopelessness.
How do I make my life worth living?
The own agony / love that drives the animal is also its master to appreciate / shame the desire. Basically it is our feeling to miss / meet ourselves and to recognize / forget that we have arrived / removed something in it.
And if a feeling guts us / wants to insert us, you can butcher yourself in it to enjoy your food.
The compassion of the Umbringer, that this fruit of a body may be taken for granted by everything that is foreign to it. Because nothing is more alien than your own Annhame, to recognize no experience in which you do not experience yourself as it
The accident is only perfect when the damage can be our salvation.
I would think that you are looking for a hobby, so you already have a "task" I would just try different things and if you don't like it you can leave it again. Is there anything you always wanted to be able to do? No matter whether painting, playing an instrument or very specific, unusual things? Try different things in all directions and stick to what you like.
Sometimes you get from one to the other, I always liked to paint, for example, but over time I became interested in other creative things (writing, sewing, tinkering, …) and thus always have something to do.
In some areas of interest you can also get to know people. I know it is difficult for you but you have to dare, what should happen? Sometimes I live with the attitude that even if the situation is not going so well, it doesn't matter anyway, at some point the person will forget it. Live your life and do what you want, even if you don't dare.
I think it can also help you a lot to face your fears that prevent you from making social contacts. I know it's hard to meet new people, you don't normally just talk to someone on the street. But I would try to become more relaxed and confident. I was always shy too, but things improved a lot. Something that helped was the drama classes at school. At the beginning I was very quiet, but over time it all improved. I don't force you to do something like that, but you can if you want. Otherwise there are certainly other methods to loosen up
One can't recommend, prescribe, prescribe self-confidence with the corresponding certainty when dealing with others. This happens when you know what everyone is about. I recommend dealing with the "principle of evolution". What has developed since the Big Bang was so successful that it amazingly and peacefully cooperates with a wide variety of developmental outcomes.
Peaceful: Animals don't kill out of greed. People do. We became the cruelest creature because we cheated on this principle with our little bit more brains. With that we can imagine who knows what and mess up our give and take. This all works through imperceptible developments, because many behave accordingly stupid, but don't want to know anything about it.
And with all of this, we then produce a lot of frustrations, aggression, resignation, escalation of violence, which makes a lot of coping with the consequences necessary but only hardly makes effective prevention possible as long as nobody knows this principle. We waste more than half of our overall performance with this stupidity…
In the first place, I would recommend doing something for someone else. There are many opportunities for volunteering, choose what appeals to you. So you get at least a little away from your own self. That helps incredibly! I was very happy to give private tuition at the university (preferably in children's homes), lately I've been doing integration support. Give a child time, be it as a part-time job as childcare. Or an old person's joy in a retirement home. You should get away from yourself and do something for someone if you really want to feel valuable. I can give you specific ideas, but it is certainly enough to look at the list of student organizations at your university. Most things require special social skills, but allow you to develop them.
That would also be my second recommendation to you. Take care of your social skills. You can tell that you miss them. But it will not come by itself. Talk to children or older people, they are really nice, helpless, grateful and don't take anything bad. Give them love and time, that's enough. Or talk to friends, family, shop stewards. Slowly you will get used to it and maybe start talking quietly to strangers who will never see you again, like sales people, passengers on the train, talkative people in the park.
Come away from the screens. Find another job, no matter what. Books help to communicate better with others and also give topics for discussions. I enjoy learning foreign languages, as well as hiking, cooking and baking, swimming and dancing. Maybe you like other things, maybe nothing speaks to you so spontaneously. Just try different things, not just for half an hour but for a month. And don't fall back on Netflix but try something different. If you have any other activities, you will also have something to tell. On Sunday I collected elderflowers, then admired the 100 live cattle in a bag, asked friends and strangers about recipes for syrup, then made it. Nothing came of it, but I didn't care, I had so much fun and learned so much. Next week I will do it again and give 1-2 people some of it, which will bring joy to me and them.
If you happen to live in the southwest, you can also contact me, we're happy to do something (simple, cheap, but nice) together.
What you describe here touches me, I've already experienced it.
The central question for me is: what is it that is bothering you. I see 2 basic variants.
Is it simply lack of self-confidence that there are side effects like lack of zest for life? That can be built up or improved. As already mentioned here, through a hobby that brings joy of life and maybe also confirmation.
Or is there something deep-seated that intervenes so much in the personality that it can't be significantly improved in the foreseeable future with a consequent change in some of the contents of life?
If the first is the case, I think that a time limit makes sense, within which you define goals for yourself and work on them. If you see no progress within X months (3,4,5), a psychologist is probably the right place to start. It affects me like this.
Basically, it makes sense to do everything you can to help yourself. Often it just doesn't work. If you are already so deep in crisis that you don't think you can do it alone, you should immediately see a psychologist. Maybe you have depression or some other mental illness? That may well be the case, only experts or a specialist can determine that.
If you struggle with life as elementally as you describe it here, a quick decision seems appropriate to me.
If you are lucky, you can quickly get an appointment with the statutory health insurance association:
https://www.kbv.de/html/terminservicestellen.php
I bid myself:
It is good that you can get an appointment quickly, ultimately like any doctor or psychologist interview, it depends on whether you can get along with people.
It is important that you get along with the psychologist halfway. So you will probably get an appointment quickly, and then you can see whether he or she will do therapy with you or what suggestions will come. And whether it fits humanly. There are also acute therapies, but only with a certificate of urgency from a psychologist, possibly a psychiatrist.
In my experience, some psychologists apparently don't feel like these "forced appointments" because the psychologists have to provide the appointments. Just as a hint, there are already weird to really unfriendly types, and of course also really correct ones, as with doctors or people at all. I'm only writing this for information so that you also consider the possibility that it will not work right away.
In any case, stay tuned and do your thing, so keep looking until it fits:-)
That's a completely different topic…
That's a good idea. For me too. I used to do something with animals for a short time, but unfortunately didn't work anymore. And then Corona came… Help in animal shelters (petting cats:-)), or organizations that look after therapy horses, children's farms, there are a lot. Perhaps also eco-municipalities that practice organic farming often need volunteers.
Could go towards depression. Hence possibly a psychotherapy.
I'm not sure if or to what extent you can be helped over the Internet. What I would ask myself is whether this has always been the case, whether something has changed, since when you have been so motivated, etc.
So there are approaches to motivation: you would have e.g. Happy to be a friend.
A social component is somehow included. To be ashamed of others, to have the feeling that there's nothing exciting to tell (the questions "How do I motivate myself?", "What is really important to me?" Are very exciting, and you may be in an interesting process right now) etc.
So I see a certain level of social insecurity, and you obviously have clear social motives. In principle, you would like to have good contact with other people - at least that's how it works. But somehow this is exhausting for you and you think you are boring, and that is why this motif is fading into the background.
Anananana776's problem has a lot to do with poor self-esteem, which is due to over-fumbling in the fog to control common ground, which is a prerequisite for achieving anything. Useful or counterproductive. The people who were given more self-confidence by nature with their "brain lotto" because their left frontal cortex works more actively than the right one have this problem of the questioner almost never.
And that she stresses what humanity does with this enormous, far-reaching disability, of which so far only a handful of experts know enough to be able to do something about it, she indicated in her closing statement:
I feel like I'm not living my life properly even though I've been traveling a lot. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel unmotivated, desperate and my heart hurts. Out of self-pity, out of impotence
when I see how bad other people are doing out of hopelessness.
Underscore from me. Because of another topic… But that's just how it is in our superficial human world: fiddling around with the bad results a little and being satisfied with current relief, which hopefully will come. If not, the adviser did something wrong…
@Traktor On your first comment… I didn't "prescribe" her self-confidence, I just meant that it could help her socially. I also know that self-confidence is not something that you can conjure up from your own experience, but you can still work on it.
I can agree with you about your opinion about evolution or people, but I think that this is a bit far-fetched regarding the subject of the questioner.
I see that in her closing word she addressed the topic, but my comment was directed to her own situation and not that of humanity in general. Most of the question was about what she can do to make her life worth living and I answered.
I hadn't found you prescribed self-confidence. Most people quickly pull out their prescription pad and prescribe it, which is only helpful if it comes with enough self-esteem. Actually, we can't help but work on it all the time, because everything we do first aims at our own satisfaction.
My reference to the principle of evolution may seem far-fetched to you, because you are not aware that all our difficulties, as long as they are not based on inevitable forces of nature, are due to disregard of this principle. Only a fundamental handicap at the "interface" between internal and external communication ensures that we keep transforming our coexistence and coexistence into an increasingly stressful one another, which eventually becomes a coexistence that has to escalate to survivors with little being and nothing Have to satisfy.
And because you don't know anything about it either, you are not aware of the importance of the dissatisfaction of many others. You share this lack of knowledge with most, so social psychologists will be surprised that the fittest among them are more important than virulogens and pandemic experts. The latter are just learning to tie up their children's shoes so that they don't fly on their faces when exploiters who are specialized in bad news throw thrashes into their way.
And where is there hope for a remedy for the questioner? Taking antidepressants all the time isn't true either. Unfortunately, psychotherapy is often not helpful, at least not for those affected. According to the respected psychotherapist and author Jorge Bucay, the psycho-economy offers around 200 different therapy routes on the three major routes "Psychoanalysis, Behaviorism and Gestalt Therapy". However, none of the patients in the example in which it was a "trousers shaker" managed to free him from his suffering without a physical cause. After 5 years of psychoanalysis it was clear to him why he was throwing himself up. But nothing had changed in his problem. After treatment with the Gestalt therapist, which lasted 5 months, he was able to accept his suffering. And after a 5-day therapy with the behaviorist, he wore rubber pants… I associate the permanent dilemma of the psycho-workers very strongly with their self-magnificence. Their self-confidence is so huge that they are not interested in the know-how that would make their work so successful that more and more of them would become unnecessary…
I don't understand where your criticism comes from on the whole - it is true that psychotherapists already have a certain responsibility to ensure that their work is empirically sound. So that e.g. The effectiveness is proven. That is the claim.
Gestalt therapy is no longer the measure of things, psychoanalysis is still financed, but it is also not necessarily the most effective for all problems and a purely behavioral therapy should no longer exist today (that's why one speaks of KOGNITIVER behavior therapy). Currently, cognitive behavior therapy, as well as other approaches of the so-called "3rd wave of behavior therapy" are very present. These include clarification-oriented psychotherapy, schema therapy, and acceptance and commitment therapy. Furthermore, the effectiveness of emotion-focused therapy is well documented. In the area of depth psychology there's of course still depth psychology-based therapy and psychoanalysis. These are two procedures that continue to be paid for and should be quite good for some problems. These methods are the measure of things nowadays (not Gestalt therapy or a purely behavioral therapy).
Of course, it can happen that therapy does not work. But on the whole, I think that the history of psychotherapy is a success story (and that its effectiveness is also well documented!). There should also be a large number of satisfied patients.
I don't know where it comes from, that you call therapists "self-sufficient". Personal experience? I don't want to rule out that that happens. But actually the therapists also strive to work with effective methods.
Wherever your criticism comes from - I think you have your experience, and given your experience, your criticism certainly makes sense.
I still see this as an option for the questioner.
Certain things have changed since Jorge Bucay wrote his book "Come, I'll tell you a story". (The constant change has always been the most reliable thing in our world…) But his chapter, in which he depicts the ineffectiveness of colleague work in a devastatingly ineffective manner, was not decisive for my judgment. This was consolidated through many contacts, experiences, discussions with the representatives of your guild, whose communication I was able to reflect on knowing what is actually RIGHT or WRONG, COMPETENCE or INCOMPETENT. So far, all of humanity's knowledge has been based only on a powerfully enforced "verification" consensus, which is so wrong that it explains all the difficulties that the media industry is happy about. And among the profiteers there's also a well-cooperating community of "anteaters with psychological training". (Anteaters are so clever that they never eat the whole building empty. They always leave so much "food" that the building recovers and they can fill their cotton wool comfortably again the next time they visit. It was always healthy to stop before you were noticeably full…)
You may understand what is mine, but you may not be able to clarify what is still missing with a few sensible questions, just like others, to nod my head in enthusiasm after you have realized what is sensational Relief would be possible. In all areas of our coexistence. Even now under the pandemic effects. Efficient societies like ours would only have to slow down with a little reason because of the protection against the Wuhan virus. But it is constantly reaching its limits, which, due to a lack of sufficient justice, burden the communication in such a way that the virus is faster than human creativity and performance…
