Is it depression or something else?

I'm f / 15 and have always been a problem child, often had seizures in the past, such as breathing problems even though I was fine, panic attacks, I was very scared of death, etc. I was always busy with such things, but I was still there younger. Now I have a new problem and that is, I have a friend with whom I've been together for 4 months now, we were overjoyed until a month ago, until the next day I asked myself whether I still love him. I got more and more into it and got guilty. I was always afraid and started shaking as soon as I was alone. Every time I met him, I thought a lot, I didn't feel anything when I hugged or kissed… At some point I couldn't watch any films or series on Netflix because I was afraid that I would myself might fall in love with a man there. I always looked for confirmation from friends or from the Internet. At some point I didn't feel comfortable with my boyfriend anymore, maybe it's the fear that made me feel, I don't know. For a few days now, however, I have suddenly become numb and I can no longer feel love, only sadness. But when he's with me, it's okay and I forget a little about it, but still the doubts are there. I definitely don't want to give up this relationship! That's why he's really important to me. Could it just be that I got depressed from all the fear and despair? Frequently had depressive phases earlier, but they also got better again. Or if I really shouldn't love him anymore, can love return again if you stay together and experience something nice together again? I mean, I don't feel annoyed by him, I can kiss him deeply, cuddle him, we laugh together over and over again, etc… I'm really really scared. I can't and don't want to give up this relationship, I just hope that everything will be fine again and that I can be happy with him. I also talked to him about all of this and he also hopes that it might just be a phase and love will return. Before that started, we even stayed together in the cinema and then had a nice evening, just always felt comfortable with him and looked forward to every meeting. I really wonder what's wrong with me. Is it maybe true love, just that I imagined it differently?

Remote diagnoses are impossible. Please contact a psychotherapist as soon as possible.

Show some strength and talk openly with him about it. You hurt him when you keep silent.

A relationship doesn't work without communication anyway.

LG. Steve and all the best

Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with him?

Flip a coin. What you hope for before you see the result is your answer.

Maybe you just have to try something new together. Maybe find a hobby together?

Otherwise, talk to an adult & neutral person about it

There are people who are not doing well if they are not doing badly.

Have you ever been to a psychiatrist or psychologist? I think you should go there and get therapy. Talk to your family doctor about it, who can then refer you to the right therapist.

You describe a chaos of emotions around your relationship and about fears.

But what in your behavior do you see indications of possible depression? Do you have any symptoms of depression?

I'm just tired, I used to always put on make-up and so on, but now I just don't have the strength to do it, showering is an overcoming for me, a headache, etc.

But there's more…