I wanted to know from people who have been in a long-term relationship whether their life has become so bleak every now and then.
So for me, everyday life looks like this:
I (40) work shifts, my partner (36) from home in the home office due to Corona.
When I get home from work, she is usually already on the couch and playing on the console. A "hello" hasn't been heard for a long time, the first words are: "What is there to eat?"
Then I go shopping and cook. Often there are big complaints because I bought things that she doesn't like or because the food doesn't taste good. Usually there's hardly any talk while eating because she brings her cell phone to the table and either writes WhatsApp or watches YouTube videos.
After dinner she continues to gamble and I lie on the couch and wait until she goes to bed so I can watch TV or Netflix for another hour.
In the morning I can usually sleep a little longer than her. But not possible - as soon as she is awake, sleeping is over because she is just loud. There's no point in complaining - I shouldn't act like that. But if I have to get up earlier than she and then sometimes I'm louder so that she can see how it is, then the house blessing feels wrong for three days…
I work 6 days and then have 2 days off. On the days off I'm completely listless, sometimes lying on the couch for hours and staring into space. Usually she tells me to do something around the house. I would prefer to have the assignment give me services for the days off, but this is not possible because I'm bound by statutory weekly rest periods.
Conversations with my girlfriend tend to be that she talks about her stressful job / day, what she has done, that she is the best in the team and that nothing works in the store without her, etc. Sentences that start with 'I' , are your loved ones. How I feel or how my day was doesn't matter. On the contrary, when I want to tell something, it is usually dismissed with 'don't be too busy'.
She has severe depression and an extreme fear of illness, which makes life together even more difficult. When I'm sick, she doesn't want to know anything about it because she's afraid of getting it. Or she says I shouldn't get in line, it would have been a lot worse for her.
There are hardly any activities together anymore, because of her depression she hardly leaves the apartment at all. Sex hasn't been an issue for years. I also have the suspicion that she is cheating on me with a work colleague. I have no friends (we moved to a city 800 km away and I don't know anyone here). And the bad thing about it:
Somehow I don't care at all about that…
I would be interested in how you deal with this everyday sadness, how you distract yourself and how you keep yourself busy when you are free…
She is usually already on the couch and playing on the console
That is the core problem: no interests. But you don't know anything with which to inspire them.
The cool thing is that the whole generation of gamers will be like that.
I would be interested in how you deal with this everyday sadness, how you distract yourself and how you keep yourself busy when you are free…
Music, instruments, concerts, friends, acquaintances, football stadiums (spectators), basketball arenas (spectators), ice hockey rinks (spectators), art, culture, traveling, cheating, learning languages, cycling, short trips (cities), etc. Life is so beautiful. And she just hangs on the sofa and plays 😂.
I've been with my wife for 41 years and we've been living together for 34 years. With us there's no boredom. Of course, we each "gamble" for ourselves (usually it's eBay🤪), or watch TV together. But we also play together (board games) and we talk a lot about God and the world.
Get started and activate it!
Nobody likes coutsch potatoes!
No. I would have left long ago.
YOU cook even though SHE is at home? Doesn't work at all… Cell phone at the table? Doesn't work at all…
We have also moved to a third city and have no friends here either.
when we're free we do something together. Explore the new environment, go for a walk / hike, watch films, play games together, go out to eat, cycle, clean / cook together. We regularly have a date night so that we can experience something new and not bog around in front of us. Shared experiences maintain a bond with one another.
at the dining table and when we watch a movie together, the mobile phone / tablet stays away.
Well, that a certain routine and everyday life comes in is clear and normal.
I think you two should have a clarifying conversation. I think you both don't care enough about each other, you have different daily routines and that's okay too.
but why do you buy food she doesn't like? I would feel fooled about that. Why don't you discuss what to eat?
It's less about food. More like women's stuff like cosmetics, tampons, shampoo, etc. I just can't get myself to buy the right one, for me everything looks the same on these shelves…
Of course we discuss what to eat. But if, for example, I cook carbonara, which until now has always tasted 'totally great', and suddenly after the third fork it says 'I've never liked it', then I feel like I'm being pissed off.
Well then she should buy these things herself, that you buy the right thing is asking a lot.
oh I know that. Then you look for the hair in the soup and a week later… When will you cook that again that was so good.
As I said, she leaves the apartment because of her depression no more than 1-2 times a month. And certainly not for shopping (too many people).
Is that your problem, if she complains she should do it better herself
