I've been in a relationship for 1 year (He 26 I 21) and I'm unhappy every now and then and now wonder if he might not be the right one for me after all.
I've been so bored in the relationship for 1-2 months.
In the evening after work, understandably, he first falls into bed and then we usually only watch one or two films, possibly sex and then sleep.
We have often had the topic that I want more companies and we have already done a few things, but I realize that I really need it on a regular basis, be it just doing sports together.
But we have very few similar interests. I like to read, paint, write, play games and do sports.
He's not the creative type, rather the relaxed guy who likes to look at the crime scene and gamble a bit on the cell phone or PC.
He is a calm pole, cozy and very reliable, while I'm a crazy mess with strong emotional back and forth.
You have to say that he is only 26, but since he has been working independently for about 3/4 to 1/2 year he already lives a typical "" adult "" life with 9 to 5 jobs and occasionally business meetings (online ) on the weekend, but he still has to live at home at the moment.
While I, a student in the 3 semester, lead a typical student life and live in a shared flat for 6 people.
That also makes it difficult because, due to his life situation, he can often only be late or it will spontaneously get later and later because he still has to do something at home and we only have time for two from 9 o'clock in the evening.
I have mentioned the topic of "business things" many times and he always says that "we do business things", which is also true, but in a 1 time every 2 weeks rhythm (we see each other about 2 times a week)
And then I ask myself whether the value "variety and entrepreneurship" is perhaps so high for me that it doesn't fit with us in the long run.
As I said, by company I don't mean that we go karting every time, but that you just do something other than eat something, read Netflix and sleep together, for example, also gamble, paint, etc.
Even in summer he has such severe allergies that we can't get out much.
I'm mainly the input provider for all the things we do and that bothers me now, because I also want to be carried away and not only carry him away.
And I don't want to force him to do things he doesn't really feel like doing.
If something like that happened in 10 years it might be different, but we've been together for 1 year and I'm only 21, but it feels like we're living in our 30s.
I appreciate him so much. He gives me so much hold and security and we can be ourselves together, which is so valuable.
But I still get unhappy on a regular basis
What do you all mean? I'll talk to him, but can it be that it just doesn't fit on my part?
We can be ourselves together
Apparently not, otherwise you wouldn't complain about him. Maybe he is simply not an "input provider". Do you want to force him to do it? The main thing is you're okay?
My relationship is just like that. I have to say that we also do some things separately. He's gambling, I prefer to play sports. He runs the dog and I paint. So we talk to each other and I think it's nice not to hang on each other.
The decision is yours. You are also very, very young
Of course, "unequal" partners also fit together.
But I don't understand why your partner "has to" live at home. He should find something of his own.
I think he's so "comfortable" because he's not responsible for anything but himself.
At one point I have to ask again, do you have more ideas than reading or painting together? Very few men will want to do this, especially hip students your age.
Doing sport together is a good idea, but what else do you think of what you could do at the moment?
Love no idea what to say
Isn't it funny… My experience shows that your partner model can actually be just as successful. I have two good families as friends who are similar: the man is a rock solid, stoic calm and the woman is more alert, always on the move, etc. And both of them absolutely love their partner for it. The man is the partner, because she brings life and color into the family, the other way around security, reliability and stability. Of course it can work!
What do they do differently? They have channels, they don't do everything together! Sure, in younger years you often think you want to share as much as possible with your partner, but today I believe that this is actually counterproductive. It's great when you let yourself go in a relationship and lead a little separate life, detached, happy to develop and trusting that the other comes home again in the evening ^^
That means: Shift all your thirst for action to friends, clubs, hobbies, etc. It is not your partner's job to help you plan your day. Believe me, it can be really annoying after a few years if it were like that. Be happy when you have the freedom to plan and act out on your own. Don't expect him to go everywhere. He has other qualities that you appreciate in him too. Do separate things. It is important that in the end you are together again and can appreciate each other, not get in your way.
Relativization 1: Of course it is important to do things together, but "every 2 weeks" are probably not that bad. I think he enjoys your active influence a little and is happy to get something from your way of life.
Relativization 2: During Corona, everything is more difficult! Normally I would have advised you to go to sports clubs or something. You are missing all of this right now, and that makes things really difficult. I'm sorry for you, but these are higher powers that you shouldn't blame your friend for.
