I have a friend / acquaintance I know from school. We're both 23 years old.
When I saw him again after some time and talked to him, he told me that he was now in psychiatry. That was 2016.
I thought about him for a long time and often. I was shocked and never thought that he would sink so low. But until then he had a hard drug past behind him.
By now he has some therapies behind him.
I have also written with him several times, where he also said that he is not feeling well.
Now he is back from the last therapy, has recently his own apartment. So I went to visit him and chat with him.
He's gone from the drugs. He swore that to me.
But you realize that he is not like before. He is very focused on one thing. Watching TV and talking does not work together. After half a minute comes the statement "What did you mean?"
Also, his psyche is not fully recovered yet.
He also has no employment. He's sitting in the flat all week, taking his meds watching TV or Netflix and that's it.
It is very difficult to start a conversation with him, because he also can't tell much. He also has nothing that happens in his life.
In conversation, we then came to the topic of sports. Since I go swimming every week, I will take him with me next week. He found swimming awesome when he heard that you can be really good with your thoughts.
What do you suggest about how best to deal with such persons? He has been fighting for 7 years and has not yet completely managed to live a normal life.
Taking to sports is an excellent idea, otherwise it will allow him employment a day. All this only if he takes 100% no substances. Once there's something, then you end the contact. Motivate him to a small job or volunteer.
Thank you for your answer. No, I think that he effectively takes nothing anymore. He does not even drink more alcohol because he does not dare (although he may). But that's not so bad. He simply lost his entire family environment and his circle of friends back then. Unfortunately, he can't pursue a job. Volunteering would be an option.
Why can't he do a job?
Since he is still on sick leave. He can't concentrate too long because of his medication. At the moment it takes him 4-8 hours to get on the road. He has a completed education with distinction. He would also like to go back to work. But he does not feel ready for himself yet…
There are also e.g. Day care centers for people with mental health problems, maybe there's something for him to occupy himself with. Just try it.
Well, that he comes out of the clinic and immediately everything is completely normal I would not expect.
The drugs, etc. Have these years just taken a firm role, now that it is no longer there, he must on the one hand invest a lot of energy to stay away from the stuff (which is also violent mental effort), on the other hand, he has something like a regulated, Normal daily routine with social contacts, etc. Also first reopen.
By medication and as aftereffect of the drug consumption as well as the strong effort not to consume or not to want to consume may well suffer the ability to concentrate, please do not look at him, this may well medibedingt.
I assume he is still in at least an outpatient therapy? If not, I would advise… Or maybe a coaching after the motto 'how can I get my life back' (or maybe a little less striking)
What you can do or what you can do… That would be hard to say. What could be done to try to guide him a bit in the right direction, just let him try new things. If you really want to, then you can put it in your life a little so that he has some contacts, etc. And maybe even get used to closing, consolidating, and keeping something like that, because, as I said, it will be very difficult for you be him.
But you also have to keep in mind that this can be a huge burden for you and probably will. No one hates you for saying 'I can't do more' at some point. Something like that happens and that you could feel too responsible in my eyes is the biggest danger in this story
Yes, his occupations which he currently pursues are not in my opinion also Zielführend. He absolutely has to get back into the job. He meant himself. "I do not remember what it's like to work."
Unfortunately, no mini-job is allowed by the health insurance company. (We do not live in Germany).
That's stupid. But volunteering may be a good option.
Sport is the right approach, maybe even running.
If he likes it, maybe even healthier food, that will do a lot!
I was only helped by sports and can even be addicted to sports. Which would not be a problem 😅
Maybe even just relax in the solarium, but only building tanning so 15 min to 20.
Fruits Vegetables Everything tastes good, bananas taste every bit, cucumbers and tomato salad probably also the most.
Cooks now and then what is better than Fast Foot.
Goats Colostrum capsules are also very healthy, which would build up his immune system and bones, and also support growth, anything he has restricted with the drugs.
Thank you for your detailed reply.
I totally agree with you that his current state is "normal", according to his past.
He is still in Outpatient Therapy, yes. He has to go to his psychiatrist on a regular basis and somebody comes by every day for his medications. So that everything is correct.
I'm trying to get something out of him by swimming.
I also do not want to fall into the house with the door and turn my entire life upside down.
And we both make a difference and on some points: I have a solid job, my family always back and never had drug problems.
Therefore it is very difficult for me to always assess his situation correctly.
7 years has been a long time, possibly even a visit to his psychologist, maybe he does not need so much or other drugs. For me, only Zyprexa vellotap does not help to sleep in the morning!
As just said, let's go swimming now. I hope that he is still motivated next week and does not cancel because he does not feel like it. -> wait.
But after asking about other sports (strength or endurance training) he says that would not help.
Of course, I do not want to force him to do anything.
Yes I think so too. I'll see if this is an option.
Yes, I can see that's something that's hard to predict. I also assume that you are very different and you are currently in the stronger position with more backing and a stable base. Just because I have this impression I have also suggested to help, because if you were not then my recommendation would have been to let everything be.
Nevertheless, the burden is of course also enormous in the long term, especially when it comes to any relapses or crises, which statistically are unfortunately very likely…
But as long as you want to do that and I'm ready for it, I think it would be a good idea to motivate him a bit every now and then, to make sure he comes out and maybe to help a bit to establish a routine.
Of course, the best would be a job. On the one hand, Ie would prescribe a fixed daily routine, on the other hand, he would certainly find himself used and useful. If it is not possible with regular work, then what would volunteer an idea?
Yes exactly. In that sense, I'm effectively in the stronger position.
Yes, I hope that his motivation to swim until next week stays for swimming. He even suggested that I pick him up and that he come with me. Of course, I found this idea to be great and promised directly. I'm glad if such suggestions and ideas come from him as well.
That would be at least a weekly activity. And a little routine.
I have to say that from the beginning I have to look carefully what I can do with him. Since I'm pretty busy in my job and also travel frequently on business.
I also do not want to appeal to him to have to constantly cancel this routine because I can't. I could imagine that he would then have a feeling of disappointment. In my opinion, he must have more experiences of success to work on getting more or?
Unfortunately, this is difficult for us to work with. Since he is still on sick leave, he unfortunately can't pursue a job.
I also do not know if he would be doing a job physically and mentally right now. I would appreciate right now, no.
That brings only what if he likes it. BODY sure brings both what… Appearance self-confidence.
But he has to like it.
A vacation by the sea may not have happened to many in such situations.
