So. I'm 16 and he is 20 years old. This age difference looks like a lot at first, but since we go to the same school (I'm doing the 1st year in this school and he the 3rd), it's not that bad anymore.
We have been meeting for two months. In fact, he only kissed me at the 5th meeting, which is rather unusual but very nice for me.
The problem, however, is that it is very often quiet between us. I have the feeling that I don't really know each other. I talk a lot to my friends and family, but I never know what to say to him. I really like it extremely well and for the first time in a long time I really want it to be something. The last three meetings we had sex with. And I think that was not a good thing because now we're filling the silence. I want to be close to him but I just want to know more about him and I want to be sure that it's not just what he wants. I want to be more for him than the girl who never talks but is good in bed or something.
I wanted to talk to him about it yesterday. Just ask him where it all goes because I need to know. I didn't dare because I'm too scared of an answer that could hurt me.
So the real question: Do you think I have already destroyed the chance of something more serious or can it still be something? And what can I talk to him about when there's another silence.
What I have to add briefly: Often it came from me that we had sex. He wanted to watch a movie yesterday in the living room where probably not much would have happened. But we wouldn't have spoken. So I suggested that we can watch Netflix in my bed on my cell phone. It was clear that we would sleep together. I think I'm just too scared of this silence.
Maybe he's just enjoying the rest?
I think honesty is often best. Maybe you can tell him openly that there's often silence and you don't know what to do then. I think you haven't screwed up anything up to now but there needs to be more openness, he has to talk more and trust yourself and so do you. I would also maybe come to the topic of the future and, as you said, take courage and ask how it goes on.
Don't worry about the age difference. Girls your age are mentally more mature than boys. When I met my husband I was 16 and he was 23. We have been married for 50 years.
Even the lack of conversation in not necessarily negative. Women communicate more with each other in order to build and maintain social bonds. Men at the counter, on the other hand, can remain silent for hours. Is a relic from prehistoric times. That is why constantly babbling women can get on the nerves of men and women despair because of the lack of willingness to talk to men.
If you have grief and tell a friend, she will listen to you and comfort you. A man will listen to you and ask if you expect a solution from him.
So when it's so quiet between you, that's normal. If it bothers him, he could easily change that by talking.
Of course you can also ask him about it. What you should avoid is to blame him. The question "Why don't you talk to me" demands justification and he doesn't know what for. The better question is whether he is (!) Not feeling well today. You're worried because he's so quiet…
For everyone who complains now because I generalize: Yes, I do. Exceptions prove the rule. 70 years of life experience.
At the beginning he often said things like: "I would really like to spend more time with you but you never talk and that upsets me"
but I was just too shy. And now I feel like it's too late. I hope that he now sees me not only as an object…
You have sex with your partner, a relationship can't be more intimate. You are on an equal footing. But you think like a child towards a strange adult.
