Today I had decided not to study. But now I feel very bad and it really feels like in my earlier depressive phase (I've had therapy).
The problem is, I haven't taken a single day off since 03/25. I was always productive every day. Including Sundays (I didn't watch TV or Netflix either). The only free time activities were sports and walking (but for me it's just being productive).
After my written Abitur exams, I thought to myself, I'll do nothing for a day and only then start studying for the final oral exam. But I really couldn't enjoy it at all and actually just got a headache from watching the anime. How can I agree to this without directly "hating" myself for it? Do you feel the same way? How do you do this?
The day is over, but whenever I feel like I'm not good enough, it pulls me down. I'm very afraid that it will be difficult to get out of bed tomorrow because I have this feeling (failure, undisciplined, not good enough).
Only if I can learn positively again tomorrow will I feel better. If not, I'm really scared of falling into depression like I used to be. That's why I'm looking for advice here.
I'm grateful for any advice
You don't always have to study. You deserve a break too. It's Friday evening, lie down and read a book or watch a movie. If you haven't done anything today, you can do something tomorrow morning and nothing for the rest of the day. It is not bad sometimes not to close anything
First of all I can tell you that I feel the same way. I also always have the feeling that I'm too lazy, I do too little, I use too much time for myself, etc. I have suffered from anxiety disorders (no panic attacks) and mild depression for years and have comparatively little energy, little motivation and little Endurance. Especially when I have to perform regularly over a longer period of time. What generally helps against psychological problems is drinking a lot, going out into the fresh air (apparently you are already) and eating a healthy diet. Whenever I feel like I've been inactive, I feel guilty. Unfortunately, I haven't found a way to change that myself. Maybe it comforts you that I feel the same way.
I can fully understand your feelings.
The written Abitur is now behind me and I sometimes felt bad because I didn't use up all the days to study. At the same time, I started very early, so that I only had to repeat later and the learning felt like "little". Nevertheless, it also left me with a strange aftertaste.
I also understand this sense of productivity. I think that everyone should be aware that we will die at some point and that our time is limited, which is why we should use the time as sensibly and productively as possible.
But an important area of our life should never be forgotten. The sense of creativity, inspiration and personal development.
For example, I watch the anime One Piece because I have come to respect and love the draftsman's work, concept and characters.
At the same time, Luffy (main character) taught me early on that you should believe in your dreams and never give up.
Supposedly "wasted" time in your free time turns out to be instructive and inspiring. Sometimes I just sit on my bed and reflect on my life, analyze lyrics or let my thoughts run free. All of this helps me develop in life and so on I continue my personality.
So you have to try out a lot besides school, otherwise you won't even find out in which areas your talents lie or what fascinates you in the world.
I also know the feeling of not being good enough ", but that's normal. An" Up "is always followed by a" Down "and vice versa. This feeling usually arises because you have high expectations of yourself can be positive at first, because you can become very successful if you work hard and don't lose to the pressure (as you are currently going through), at the same time the pressure can also make you burst, which will only cause you problems.
So it's up to you whether you want to withstand the pressure or just lower your expectations and have a relaxed time.
Finally, I just want to give you a little advice on the way. Do not forget that you are still in your youth, so you should try yourself, test your limits and just go out into the world and explore (Corona is annoying). School is extremely important, but it's only the beginning of your huge life, so don't take it too seriously and enjoy your time. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't study anymore!
And I'm sure that you are on a completely different level than when you were depressed. You have matured and will overcome the depression again if it should come to that (it certainly will not)!
Thank you for the great tips and new insights for me. I know Monkey D. Luffy, of course.
No problem, you make a very mature and reflective impression on me. Somehow I have the feeling that you are no longer in "adolescence", is that right?
