Girl does not believe in possessions, only in love - what to do?

Have a little dilemma and need your advice. I've already talked to a few friends about it, opinions differ. Maybe I can create a little more clarity here.

I (m / 23) met a girl (21) on January 1st, 2021. We got on well straight away and made out and kissed that evening, nothing wilder. A little alcohol was involved.

Since then we've seen each other every weekend. The first weekends we were more distant during the day, in the evening we celebrated as a group of four (a household + them ^^).

We spent the last few weekends together all the time, watching Netflix, taking a nap, she sleeps with me, I sleep with her. We already had sex. We hold hands, cuddle. We write a lot every day, she writes me every morning when she goes to work. She has already told me that she is very fond of me and that I'm a great person.

The other day we talked and then we came up with the subject of relationships. Then I asked what it actually was between us. Then she says: "I think a steadfast relationship is not for me, I don't believe in possession only of love, love is freedom."

Zack, face asleep. Now we're at the point where I no longer understand anything, I have no plan for what I'm doing now.

I said that she might want a relationship with the right one, someday.

Then she said that she was skeptical about that.

Then I said that only she could make her decisions and if she was happy with them, she would do everything right. That she should never allow herself to be forced into something.

What do I do now? She has already invited me to her home again.

I'm very fond of her, she is a great girl in itself. I don't really want to avoid her and that is also not possible because I will inevitably see her regularly.

I would have thought the cat was in the poke… But now I'm somehow completely lost.

Well, I don't know. It would be nice if you could give your opinion on it. Maybe it will help me.

Stay healthy!

Well, at least she believes in love. And if that becomes a real love between the two of you, then that is a relationship.

relationship and ownership don't really go together anyway. You can't own another person. You can't tell him what to feel and think. In this respect, I think she is right there.

So don't let that unsettle you. Maybe she's had a bad experience with someone who just took advantage of her and wanted to tell her everything. Just be open and take her for who she is.

enjoy the time together and don't think too much. Because by thinking too much, i.e. By interpreting too much into any statements or actions, many good relationships have already broken.

Sounds like she wants more of an open relationship. Because in a relationship you are also free, but you only get intimate with one partner. So what else should she mean when she wants to be "free"?

You have to decide how you want to continue this. You have a good time together. But at some point I would ask her to decide:

End the whole thing because you just fall in love with her more and she doesn't want a relationship, or get into a committed relationship. With the latter, of course, there's no guarantee that she will be happy and that it will last. But there's no other way to find out.

Or of course, she meant the whole thing completely differently. You will not be able to avoid a clarifying conversation.

Love and relationship should never be owned. That is the crux of the matter where I see your reasoning mistake. Perhaps it is not a mistake in thinking in that sense, but simply an experience for them. But love is not a possession in a healthy relationship. Sure, I also tell my partner that he is "mine" and he says the other way around to me. But we both know that we don't own each other.

But you are right, in the end it is her decision and you have to accept it for better or for worse.

That means, she thinks nothing of relationships and also claims the right to do something with others on the side.

You should now decide for yourself whether this corresponds to your ideas and then act accordingly.

Wow thanks!